Recently I returned to Edinburgh, where I was met by my flatmates with yet another fun, if not quite lengthy, quiz - the BDSM test. It promises to reveal your sexual desires and preferences, and along with being sufficiently surprised by my results, I also didn't understand some of them. Therefore, I decided to undertake a research journey to understand more about kinks, fetishes, and all things whips and chains. So here I am, having learnt a lot more in the past three weeks about kinks and ready to teach you just a little about what I know. Disclaimer: half my information came from a questionable fetish party in which about 7 attendees were dressed as sexy school kids.
It seems to me that this is to the kink world what the cappuccino is to coffee. Although, for some of you this may seem exciting and interesting, it is probably one of the most vanilla kinks I've come across. For those of you that don’t know (I’m fairly sure I’m only speaking to my parents here, as most 20 year olds know) this kink consists of either being dominated in the bedroom or submitting. It can involve props such as blindfolds or handcuffs, but mostly just means someone is in charge.
For those of you obsessed with the idea of sexy school teachers, provocative pizza delivery guys, or seductive Santas (we don't judge), then this kink is definitely for you. It can be exciting, thrilling, and as I learnt at the aforementioned fetish party, can come in all manner of costumes. If you’re just starting out however, I’d suggest trying a classic to ease you in. Is that a leaky pipe? Should I call the plumber?
Age play probably sounds like something weird and underground, where older men dress in nappies and suck on dummies. To be quite frank, occasionally that’s what it is, but if you’ve ever called someone ‘baby’ during a sexual act then you've unintentionally gotten involved in age play. Seemingly trending in recent years is the use of the word ‘daddy’ in a sexual context, as well as the interestingly up and coming ‘mummy’ (again, absolutely no judgement from us). I imagine Freud is laughing in his grave.
I won’t go into too much detail on this one, as I’m sure this is pretty easy to guess and genuinely quite common. A rope bunny is someone who likes being tied up and, from what I've gathered, it’s more about submission, restraint and ‘the struggle’ than the actual rope. So go, grab whatever fabric you have at home and give this kink a try if you feel up to it.
Hybristophilia proves to be somewhat relevant (and always problematic) this month following the publicity of ‘Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil, and Vile’, a film in which Zac Efron plays Ted Bundy. This film has got people everywhere questioning if they really fancy a rapist and a mass murderer. Although I’m sure that most people are confused about whether in fact they just like Zac Efron, if you seriously are deeply drawn to Ted Bundy and people like Charles Manson, then you might just be a hybristophiliac - someone who is sexually aroused by people who have committed crimes, such as rape and murder.
If you don’t know what a furry is, where have you been? A furry is someone who dresses up in an animal costume but with human characteristics and clothing. Although they claim it is not a sexual thing, we all know that most of the time it is.
This kink is PERFECT for any of you students out there who can’t afford the heating like me, because phsychrophilia is when you get sexual arousal from being cold or watching other people freeze. Honestly, sitting on the meadows at 9am must be an absolute gold mine for people with phsychrophilia, and although it’s not technically a kink (it’s a fetish), we won’t tell if you don’t.
Although a short collection, I’m hoping that this list has given you all a couple of ideas (maybe not hybristophilia), and with Valentine’s Day just behind us, remember that if the sex was bad, you can always do some experimenting with a banana costume and a length of rope.
For those of you wanting to try the BDSM test then here is the link: https://bdsmtest.org/
*Illustration by Phoebe Langham*